Plan B is the new Plan A
Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
