I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
