i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize