I cut my penus on the lid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
