first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
