The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize