Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
