I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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