Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just cut my nipple shaving
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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