who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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