I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
