Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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