she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
