Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your penis caused this!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
