Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Houston, we have a squirter
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
