____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
