Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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