...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
