Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize