oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
