I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
