I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
