just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
