Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
