He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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