he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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