P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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