i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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