so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
