On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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