the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
