It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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