i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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