I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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