I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
