i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize