the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
