Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
