when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
