When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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