I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
