was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
