dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
