ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
