I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
