Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
