So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
