After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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