I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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