You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A bitchslap is in order.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
