Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
