Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
