When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
