if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
