I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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