Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize