I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
