But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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