ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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