I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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