You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
