Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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