Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize