I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
