Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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