mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
