dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
