Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
