My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
