# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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