you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
