she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
