I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this boner is exhausting
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
