her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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