I hate your face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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