absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize