the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
