Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
