So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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