he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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