Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
