I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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