Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
