i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
bring money and cleavage
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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