I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize