Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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