Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
