OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize