Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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