she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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