It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize