Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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