At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
