it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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