Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
