My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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