You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
