so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
