if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
