i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
