This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
