saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize