u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize